Circle Squared
A Textual Analysis of the Book of Mormon
Chapter 2: "I Did It All for the Cookie"
Chapter Summary:
Jacob denounces the love of riches, pride, and unchastity--Men may seek riches to help their fellowmen--The Lord commands that no man among the Nephites may have more than one wife--The Lord delights in the chastity of women. About 544–421 B.C.
Having been appointed a leader of the Nephites, Jacob addresses the people so that he "might rid [his] garments of your sins." I touched on this concept before when Jacob and Joseph were running around the countryside preaching Bronze Age Christianity to ancient Jewish Americans in order to avoid going to hell themselves. Having thought further about the implications of this principle, I find it truly disturbing for multiple reasons.
Jacob is advocating conversion to a faith-based theology via second-hand testimony. He shares his testimony of Christianity in hopes that it will convince others to join the religion. This is one of the most irrational reasons I can think of for believing a supernatural claim: because so-and-so believes it, I believe it, too.
Mormons still use this tactic. By asserting their beliefs as facts, they hope that others will be convinced of Mormonism. They say it is through the power of the Holy Spirit that people are convinced. But how did they determine that their warm fuzzy feelings are inspiration from god? Because everyone around them tells them this is the case. Two words sum up this phenomenon succinctly: group think.
Jacob also implies through this concept that god intends to punish those believers who do not actively try to convince non-believers through this fallacious process. If Jacob does not try to convince people like me through a process which I find to be silly and wholly irrational, god will punish him eternally. Furthermore, if I do not accept Jacob's unfounded proposal through second-hand anecdotes, god will punish me eternally.
Here is a fun thought: Mormons believe that if I die before having a chance to accept Mormonism, I will have a chance in the afterlife to accept it. If I find myself in an afterlife, I will likely be more accepting of a supernatural proposition, such as god, due to the fact that an afterlife would offer some evidence of super-nature, and I would more likely accept their claim.
Therefore, the greatest potential sacrifice a Mormon could make would be to risk god's wrath for not proselytizing to me in this life--where I find no reason to believe their claims--in hopes that I would believe after death--where I might find their claims to be more reasonable--and be saved. In other words, the most damning thing Mormons can do, if they really want to save as many people from damnation as possible, is missionary work! This eternal sacrifice, by the way, would be far greater than the omnipotent Jesus suffering a bad weekend for our sins.
Droning ever onward, Jacob reminds the Nephites in the vaguest of terms that they are all wicked and prideful sinners, and god will judge and punish them. It becomes clear that Jacob is speaking almost exclusively to the men, as he points out the righteousness of their women and children, "many of whose feelings are exceedingly tender and chaste and delicate before God, which thing is pleasing unto God." And why wouldn't the ancient Jews of pre-Columbian America be just as misogynistic, albeit more positive, as their contemporaries in Bronze Age Palestine? After all, internal consistency is the mark of "truthiness."
One of the few specific sins Jacob lists is feeling that you are better than poor people because you wear more expensive clothes. This comes from the holy book of a religion which refuses admission in to their multi-million dollar temples--where the most important rituals are performed--to poor people who choose to feed their children rather than pay the church 10 percent of their income. To these desperate people the church says that god will provide for their family if they sacrifice by giving tithing to the church. Yet, Mormons will flatly deny that they believe in the "prosperity gospel."
Jacob touches on a possible solution to all this damnation business: a sign from god:
"15 O that he would show you that he can pierce you, and with one glance of his eye he can smite you to the dust!"
Oh that he would, indeed. If only god had the foresight and critical thinking skills to know that second-hand revelation is not as effective as first-hand revelation. If only god was smart enough to devise a method of conveying vital soul-saving information which does not depend entirely on a subjective, questionable, and unfalsifiable process. If only the omniscient Mormon god knew about evidence and the scientific method.
The fact that god allegedly favors subjective experiences over reason and evidence tells me that if god does exist, he clearly prefers gullible people over intellectuals. Why anyone would want to go to a heaven filled with patronizing sycophantic wanna-believers is beyond me. I have never enjoyed a circle-jerk.
Jacob offers a solution to the problem of economic inequality: socialism:
"17 Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you."
I explained in a previous chapter the Mormon version of socialism, called the Law of Consecration. I won't go into detail here, except to say that Mormons are fine with socialism so long as it is theocratic and they are in charge.
As I read this chapter, it occurred to me why Joseph Smith might have included socialist values in the Book of Mormon and advocated its implementation among Mormon communities. Joseph's family was quite poor. He and his father were treasure hunters and farmers--neither of which they were very good at. Joseph convinced the much wealthier Martin Harris to mortgage his farm in order to fund the publication costs of the Book of Mormon, and during much of the "translation" of the book, Joseph was financially supported by Harris. What better way is there to make a quick buck than to start a religion in a Christian revival-rich area and convince all members to forward all of their money and property to the church for "equal distribution?" It is the ultimate con!
Jacob further explains the totally non-prosperity gospel promise that those who give money to god will get back much more money:
"19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good--to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted."
Again, the Mormon Church receives billions of dollars a year from tithing alone--holding heaven at ransom--and invests much of that money in building and maintaining mini-mansions, access to which is limited to those who give 10% of their money to the church. The amount of money the church spends on charitable efforts is a small fraction (about 2% by some estimations) of their total revenue. Perhaps only Vatican City can compare with the apparent money grubbing and charitable-hypocrisy of the Mormon Church.
Jacob further claims that being a jerk to your neighbor is "abominable" before god (just like bible-thumping homophobes like to remind us is god's feeling towards homosexuality). You shouldn't be a jerk because, as Jacob explains, god created you and your neighbor for the same purpose: "that they should keep his commandments and glorify him forever." What a dismal outlook for eternity. It's a pity you can't die and leave such a totalitarian utopia. What happens in heaven stays in heaven, and is doomed to repeat itself over and over again for all of eternity. No wonder believers are so terrified of death.
As if the hypocrisy of the Mormon Church wasn't thick enough, Jacob slaps them in the face with a most juicy backhand:
"27 For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none."
Allow me to spell this out; I don't want it to be missed. Mormons have long minimized--or openly denied--their polygamist past. Unbeknownst to many Mormons today, Joseph Smith, himself, practiced polygamy for several years before announcing a "revelation" to the church approving the practice. When confronted by outsiders, most notably authorities who wished to stamp out polygamy, which was illegal at the time, Joseph would lie publicly and in print and sign legal documents attesting that Mormons do not practice polygamy. Some such affidavits also had signatures from other men and women--polygamists all--denying the practice. This verse, which states that a man should only have one wife, was cited as proof to authorities that Mormons are not polygamists.
This massive, throbbing lie eventually led to Joseph's demise after he and his posse destroyed the printing press of a local newspaper exposing Joseph's lies. Once convicted of the crime and incarcerated with a few of his closest polygamist chums, a mob broke in to the jail. After several shots were fired from both sides (which brings to question Joseph being a martyr), Joseph was killed. Joseph died protecting his lie of polygamy--betrayed and mocked by his own book of fables.